That Red Mare Blog Hop: Honest Sale Ads

That Red Mare Blog Hop: Honest Sale Ads

Cathryn over at That Red Mare has a hilarious blog hop: write a downright honest sale ad for your horse. This is the blog hop of my dreams.

Imagine That

“Gina” is a 1997 Thoroughbred mare (JC name: Kimberly K). At 16.1 hands, this bay beauty is a flashy, eye-catching horse with good conformation, great feet, and nice movement. Gina prefers to do dressage (well, she would really prefer it if you’d leave her alone), but is a reliable field hunter who generally goes over any cross-country obstacle. I wouldn’t plan on doing any cavaletti exercises or trying your hand in the hunter or jumper rings; Gina has a mental hangup about poles. (‘Phobia’ is probably a better word.) She also hates mailboxes, shadows, grass waving in the wind, and anything blowing in the breeze.

Gina is a relatively easy keeper who can go barefoot unless she’s working over hard or rocky terrain regularly. Her joints sound like Rice Krispies, but she always loosens up without a problem. She hates other horses and will bully them in turnout, but she also can’t stand to be alone. If you take away her pasture mates, she’ll wear a ditch along your fenceline and scream like a stallion for days. Gina is a disgusting horse to keep in a stall; fortunately, she does very well being out 24/7.

Gina clips, bathes, stands for the farrier and vet, is easy to deworm, and has no vices. (Well, except for pinning her ears and biting whatever’s handy while you’re tightening her girth.) She usually loads, travels, and unloads okay, but I can’t guarantee you won’t be contemplating equicide at 9 PM after the second time she’s flown backwards out of the trailer. She’s an unreliable tie-r, who varies wildly between standing perfectly quietly and freaking the fuck out about who-knows-what.

Gina is fun to ride (when she isn’t spooking); she’s easy to get on the bit, is very forward, and has lovely leg yields and shoulder-ins. She has a great jump and gallop- as long as the jumps aren’t in an arena or constructed out of poles.

Gina is a workmanlike horse who does not want to be your friend or in your business. She shows up to work every ride (unless there are poles) but will ignore snuggles, pets, or other attempts at spending quality time together. She’s been used as a lesson horse for advanced beginners and intermediate riders, but her reign of terror over the barn rats has resulted in none of them wanting to ride her. She doesn’t buck, kick, or rear (unless there are poles), but is simply too energetic for wimpy dressage kids.

Gina is registered with The Jockey Club, entered in the ISR/Oldenburg NA main mare book, has a lifetime USEF registration, and is approved for the Oklahoma-Bred Thoroughbred program. She’s produced at least two Oldenburg daughters and would probably be content as a broodmare because there are no poles.



“Moe” is a 1995 Thoroughbred gelding. Don’t let this 15.2-hand chestnut’s size or age fool you- he has definitely not gotten the memo that he’s firmly into senior horse territory. Moe has spent most of his life as an event horse. Like all good event horses, he thinks dressage is dumb, lives for cross-country, and seems to be confused about why stadium jumps are in an arena.

Moe is an athletic and enthusiastic horse. He’s very brave and is more than happy to lead the way on trail rides and jump whatever you point him at (ditches, water, picnic tables, the hood of a car). His dressage has been a continual struggle for the last 13 years; he tries to do what’s asked despite not having a clue about what his rider is talking about. He occasionally pulls rails in stadium jumping, as his preferred take off distance is the (very) long spot.

Moe has excellent feet and does not require shoes. He isn’t an easy keeper; I have tried everything from beer to corn oil to special senior feed to fat supplements to blood sacrifices to put weight on him. He’s currently doing pretty well on SafeChoice Senior, alfalfa pellets, and Omega Horseshine. He enjoys living outside 24/7 and is always on the bottom of the pecking order wherever he goes. He gets along both mares and geldings, although he’s terrified of miniature horses of all genders.

Moe is a real people horse who loves attention of all kinds. You can brush him, hug him, ride him, take a nap on him, drive him around in a trailer for four hours- he enjoys every minute of it. He’ll practically run you over to get on the trailer, travels like a champion, and will stand tied at the trailer (or anywhere else) forever. He also enjoys treats, including (but not limited to): donuts (glazed, cake, jelly-filled, whatever), peppermints, carrots, apples, bananas, white bread, potato chips, Cheez-Its, blue raspberry Gatorade, and regular old horse cookies. The only things I haven’t been able to get him to eat are banana-flavored Twinkies.

Moe clips, bathes, loads, is great for the farrier and vet, is friendly to cats and dogs, stands tied, cross ties, and is easy to deworm. He doesn’t kick or rear, and while he’s never bucked with me in the last decade-plus I’ve owned him, I have seen him dislodge a lesson kid a couple of times. (It’s always the same one. I blame her.) He’s suitable for advanced beginners (but has toted my horse-clueless husband around safely for the last year) or intermediate riders. Moe doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, but he’s fast enough to freak beginners out.

Moe would enjoy a home where he can be lavished in attention and only ridden over cross-country jumps at high rates of speed.

25 thoughts on “That Red Mare Blog Hop: Honest Sale Ads”

Leave a Reply