Wedding Wednesday: How to assure others it’s under control

The wedding is only two months away, but I’m totally unworried about it. Really. We’ve got:
  • A venue
  • A photographer
  • A plan for food
  • A plan for desserts
  • Flowers
  • A DJ
  • An officiant
  • Favors
  • A dress + hat for me
  • Plans in place for the horses to be there
As far as I’m concerned, we’re good to go. Unfortunately, not everyone involved seems to feel that way. I’m talking, of course, about Johnny’s mom and my mom. I’ve mentioned before that his mom has been very helpful in the planning process and has truly helped with a lot of things. I’ve appreciated having her assistance, but now that we’re getting down to the wire, she’s getting worried.
A couple of weeks ago, she sent us this long, crazy email filled with long, crazy things that mostly boiled down to “You aren’t prepared, why did we think this was a good idea to do it ourselves, WE SHOULD CALL THIS WEDDING PLANNING COMPANY IN TULSA THAT SPECIALIZES IN CRISIS MODE EVENTS!”
Let me be clear: we are not doing this ourselves. More power to those of you out there who can arrange your flowers yourselves and make adorable party favors and paint props for a photo booth and have your wedding for like, $500. I admire and respect you. I, however, don’t find that appealing at all. (Well, the $500 part is appealing, I guess.) Johnny doesn’t either, so we’ve simply sought out vendors that will do all of those types of things for you. And we feel confident in their ability to do them!
Any advice on reassuring our mothers that we actually do have everything under control? You know, without sounding like a bitch?

Author: Stephanie

Equestrian, amateur cook, people person.

24 thoughts on “Wedding Wednesday: How to assure others it’s under control”

  1. You've listed all of the stuff you have. Send them the list and say something like, "Here's what we have for the wedding right now and we feel we're on track. Is there something that you're concerned about?" Maybe they'll spot something; maybe they'll be reassured because they have what HAS been completed in front of them.

    Or maybe they'll still panic, but you'll know that you're still doing great.

    For what it's worth, I ordered flowers and my mom made the table decorations. The day of the wedding, I was stuck helping my two great-aunts, my mom, my aunt, and my sister decorate the venue. It was fun, but yeah, I wish we would have found a vendor for that instead.

    1. A couple of years ago, Johnny and I attended his second cousin's wedding here in the Tulsa area. We got there about half an hour early, because we weren't totally sure where we were going and erred on the side of caution. We arrived to see the bride, her grandmother, her great aunt, and her nieces putting centerpieces on the tables. HALF AN HOUR BEFORE THE CEREMONY. It was at that moment I decided that if we could pay someone to do it (whatever 'it' might be), we were going to.

  2. Whooboy… dealing with family when wedding planning is TOUGH! I think maybe giving your future MIL a job to do might help calm her nerves… it might help make her feel like she is contributing to the process and get her worries under control. Like, "Hey MIL, why don't you call the florist and make sure she knows when to deliver the flowers? Are there any shots you want the photographer to get on wedding day – I'll let them know!" etc. etc. Be gracious but don't give in to the crazy!

    1. I think those stress her out even more! I asked her to take care of calling the linen rental place and confirming delivery of napkins and tablecloths to the venue, and that just led to her deciding to visit so we could BOTH go to the linen place! -_-

      I am trying to stay strong against the crazy!!

  3. Some moms just like to be in panic mode. They like to worry and freak out. I find that calm, confident "don't worry – everything is under control" attitude is the best solution. It wont stop her panicking – it will help ensure the panic doesn't become contagious!

    Be sure you get her and your mom a special gift for the dress rehearsal night. 😉

  4. Yeah I'm sort of at the point of telling everyone to go to hell. I often resort to unfortunately snarky utterances like, "I haven't had time to deal with that, I'm doing ACTUALLY IMPORTANT THINGS."

    I am sooooooo not the "do your own table stuff" person. NOT. My sister in law was. We spent no joke 16 hours the day before and the day of the wedding decorating shit around the room. I want to show up and say "what a lovely job someone else did!"

  5. Omg I totally know about mother panic mode. I don't really have any words of wisdom though, just count your blessings if she manages to avoid serving your dad with papers at the rehearsal. ..true story!

    1. YIKES! I'm hoping to keep my parents as far from one another as possible- they've been divorced for about 15 years and still can't manage to not be snarky around one another!

  6. My mom *bless her heart* actually caused me the most stress throughout the planning process. I actually limited contact with her because she would just make me upset…. bad daughter alert. Eventually I told her to email me a list of her concerns once a week and I would reply once a week. I am the pickiest uptight person about horse care but weddings/other life shit aren't on my radar. Good for you for keeping a level head. Tell them to relax, you and your vendors have everything under control. 🙂

    1. YES! I have been doing the email list thing for about a month and I think it's great. I love email. I wish everyone else loved it as much as I do…

  7. Eeep don't envy you but sadly being well on my way to spinsterhood & pony collecting i have no words of wisdom to share sorry!

  8. My mom got like this at the end, and I just tried to respond reasonably with "yep, I've done that." But then again, it's alot easier when it's your own mother and not the MIL you're dealing with.

  9. Xanax. For everyone!

    I dreamt the blogger community went to your bridal shower and there were about 40 of us sitting with your relatives and making them talk about ponies. And then we went hiking and I brought my dogs.

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